A Happy Goodbye?

{ October 9, 2009 @ 10:36 pm } · { Deep Thought, Friends }
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I just spent a great evening with some of my dearest friends.  Good food and conversation were a plenty.  The occasion that brought us together, some would consider to be a sad one. But as I reflect on it, I would disagree. One of my friends is moving to another state. And as much as it bums me out that she won’t be around as much, I know that this is a good choice for her.  I have been lucky to watch her grow and mature into a awesome woman that I am more than honored that she calls me friend.

But what really struck me as odd, is that as we hugged and said our goodbyes, I didn’t feel the sadness of loss or fear. Instead I had a sense of confidence that this is only another step on our journey together.  I know that there might be gaps in our interactions and  face time might be non-existent.   But I also KNOW that when we have opportunity to connect again that our friendship will still be as solid as always.

And as we all know, life gets in the way. But it doesn’t have to be the end of the great things that make life worth living.

I Dream of Missing People

{ September 28, 2009 @ 3:16 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I had a dream this weekend.  It kinda stuck with me. The details aren’t important at this time. But the thing that has really got me thinking is the persons involved.  Most of them were persons that  haven’t been actively in my life for a season or two.  It troubled me because these people had been on my heart for a while. That made this dream all the more so uncomfortable.  Now none of these persons have left my world because of disagreements or bad feelings. At least I don’t think so.  But it made me realize AGAIN how much I miss them. I can rant on how much I miss them because none of them will read this.

I know that life gets in the way. But it really hurts my heart to think that all the time I invested in these people and they seem to have disappeared from my life.  It makes me wonder how much value I must have in their world.  I had thought that I would have placed higher in their worlds. I mean enough to warrant a call or text or an email now and then. Most of them still live in the same town as me but can’t be bothered to drop by or invite me out for coffee.  It also hurts my heart to see them move on without me. Some of them making choices that I believe are damaging their faiths and that might have long term consequences. 

I know that the last comment might seem judgemental.  And its true that I have strong opinions on things. But that is how I see it.   Although I would be willing to let most of that stuff go (for a while), if it meant that I could be a part of their worlds more often.

But Life Gets in the Way….

One of Those Days

{ July 14, 2009 @ 3:53 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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My laptop is still in the shop. I have loaner, but it lacks most of the stuff that makes my laptop mine. I especially miss my itunes. I subscribe to somewhere in the area of 100 podcasts and I am missing most of them. Thus making my work days longer and allows my brain to wander. And wander it does. I have some great heart to hearts with myself that threaten to spill out as to be regretted later emails or blog posts. I have found myself angry at the most random things. I miss friends that I haven’t talked to in a while and then I am miffed at them for not being around more.  My work motivation is affected. In fact I am posting this rather than moping the stage.  

It’s not my absence of my laptop that is to blame. It’s just once again I feel out of rhythm.  And need a little focus.  

All this to say I am cranky and having one of those days.

 

Well, I should get back to work, because life gets in the way.

Unwinding on a Friday night.

{ May 8, 2009 @ 6:46 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Just listening to my new favorite artist of all time.

Got to Fly by Marian Call

My Life as a Buffy Musical

{ May 7, 2009 @ 7:17 pm } · { About me, Deep Thought }
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I am a big Whedon fan, primarily a Firefly/ Serenity fan, a Browncoat. But I have watched all of Buffy/ Angel and am totally into Dollhouse. And I find the musical episode of Buffy, Once More with Feeling, to be a favorite.  I am not a Buffy expert or uberfan, but I listen to the soundtrack on regular rotation. I was listening to it this morning and thought on how I relate to certain aspects of the characters and the songs. So I thought it would be insightful to share how I feel they relate to me.

I preface this by saying that God frequently shows me things through what I am interacting with at any given time. So several aspects of my response have a direct correlation to what I feel is the state of my faith. And that this concept will probably turn into a series of posts.

The show opens with the overture… ok I guess that is straight forward and needs no comment. But the first song is Buffy singing Going through the Motions. Buffy is lamenting about how she has no real joy or emotional connection to what she is doing or her life in general. Well this one is probably the song relate to the most at this time. She has been feeling empty because she had recently been dragged out of heaven.  And I have felt for a season or two that I have frequently been operating on autopilot. Not that I have been dragged from heaven nor do my blows have lost there touch. But my faith  and emotional state has. Let me state that my faith in God has not diminished but my active participation in my daily faith has.  I haven’t gone to church in a long time, but I haven’t missed a service in years. If that doesn’t make sense to you. Let me explain. As a staff member whose job is to support the services, I don’t go to church, I go to work. So the nourishing of my faith has taken a beating. So more often than not, I am just going through the motions.

Next song, is I Have Got A Theory.  The aspect of this song that I relate to is the concept of a group of people getting together to figure out a problem. And how off  their ideas were. Giles had the right idea  in the first stanza of the song, but had to sit through everyones opinion. Or Xander having to back down from his opinion to please those around him.  Now I don’t claim to be the master of anything, and the concept of me being the resident expert on any topic I find entertaining.  But I am smarter than average bear,(not bragging..stating a fact). And as I look around at my world I find that I am more often right than wrong and I see things in ways that most people don’t. And yet I still have to endure everyones opinions. Just find out that I am right, or that my input should be taken more seriously. 

And I always laugh at the Bunnies break and They got the mustard out.

This post is long enough. I will add next songs later. But it will have to wait, because life gets in the way.

Theatre is scared

{ May 2, 2009 @ 5:19 pm } · { Deep Thought, Ramblings }
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(Col 3:23)  And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

(Col 3:23)  And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

It has been pointed out to me that I get a little to serious when it comes to productions. Phrases like grumpy and hypercritical are also thrown out at times. And really, I can’t disagree nor do I feel like I should change this about me.
And here are my reasons why:
Theatre is sacred to me. Not that I have a little shrine and light candles, but it is worthy of respect or dedication. (look it up. It is one of the definitions.)
The theatre has brought me some of the most important things in my life. Pretty much all non family relationships have come from my theatre experiences. Several that have lasted for more than 20 years. The theatre has saved my marriage in many ways. But that is a story for another time.  Some of the people who have helped my faith the most are from my theatre experiences.  My greatest joys and pains have come from my time in the theatre. I try to pay my bills from the skills that I have learned from my theatre experience.
Saying all this, I hold the theatre and it’s rules and traditions in high regard. So I take the abuse and disrespect of these things pretty seriously.  And in the last few weeks as I watched my wife and girls get placed into a show that was being handled poorly, I found myself to pretty grumpy often.  It hurt my heart to see these kids taught poorly or not at all on what true theatre could be. I feel strongly about bringing up the next generation of practitioners of the art/craft. Giving them all that the theatre has to offer involves pushing them and informing them of the rules and traditions. It is not always based on the fun but the joy of hard work and discipline. But I know with that comes a lot of fun moments. I would hope that anyone who has left any show that worked with me, left with skills and a healthy view of what theatre can be. 
I would also get angry when I thought of my wife’s and daughters’ names might be associated with such a poorly planned and rehearsed play. I accept that things happen as show run. Those are things that memories are made of. But I believe that should come from the surprises of the show, not from bad or poor preparation. My poor daughter who took on the role of LD and board op, was still getting cues minutes before opening. She did fine but could have done better with more time and better planning.
The theatre is part of who I am. And it is part of my family. And I would like to be able to share it with as many people possible. But with and its grandeur and history. Not just the bare minimal, hint of theater.
I would love to teach and work more theatre, but life gets in the way. 

 

Am I truly a Geek

{ December 15, 2008 @ 3:55 pm } · { About me, Ramblings }
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As most of you know, I am a podcast junkie. And a good portion of what listen to would be considered geeky. I listen to everybody rant about the latest video games, or movies, or comic book or whatever falls into the geeky lifestyle. Well, I have taken a step back and realized that all I do that qualifies as geeky is be a fan of geeky television and hangout online way too much.

The budget has killed my movie going. My Xbox died and can’t afford a new 360 or PS3. Haven’t collected comics since my daughters showed up. Reading scifi or fantasy novels put me to sleep because of my 55-65 hours a week work schedule.

Now it’s not that I don’t want to do these things. I have in the past and enjoyed every moment of it.  But life has gotten in the way.  So I ask am I truly still a geek?

[polldaddy poll=1200229]

Podcast fandom

{ October 15, 2008 @ 5:53 pm } · { Podcast, Uncategorized }
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I have officially subscribed to more podcasts than are humanly able to listen to.  Even though most days, I have four to five hours to listen at UPS and maybe a few more at the church. I now have more coming in than there are hours in the day. So I am interested in everybody’s list of must listen casts. 

And as this blog grows, I will be adding what/ who I am listening to. I probably will include a review of some kind. Hopefully, this will help me give positive feedback to my podcast friends. I know I should actually comment directly to them on their websites. And maybe even give them an Itunes review. But since I don’t have my laptop at UPS, I usually forget individual comments per cast. And believe it or not, some of the podcast websites are blocked at the church. 

AND if this goes well, it will be included in my future podcast.  

How often this will happen depends on how much Life Gets in the Way.

Podcast in the future

{ September 30, 2008 @ 3:50 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Well I have picked up a new mic and headset. Not overly expensive but adequate for the first step in this experiment. I am strongly considering a podcast about my corner of the world. Not too sure of the format or content at this time. I am considering a couples cast with my wife maybe down road too. But I will probably record some ramblings and see what comes out. 

Don’t know when this will happen, because life gets in the way.

AM

What’s in a name

{ September 13, 2008 @ 9:11 am } · { About me, Deep Thought, Ramblings }
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As I lurk and tweet around, I use  the name Hereticfred. It has been around awhile and has served me well. But Fred is not my name. Nor am I heretic in the traditional sense. 

My name is Andre’. It’s the french version of Andrew. I’ve been told it means strong and manly. I am cool with that. But the name Fred comes from one of loves from my youth.  When I had the time, I used to role-play a lot. But because of my GM style and the style of the other GMs I played with, a character didn’t have a long life expectancy. Part of the fun was finding creative ways of killing  first level characters.  So until a character survived long enough to get its true name, it was Fred. Fred’s surname would describe what class he was. Like Father Fred was my priest or cleric, or Fireball Fred was my mage, etc. And when I joined the online revolution, I adopted Fred as my name. Originally it was Lordfred because of the regal sound of it. But over time I found that it was popular and I couldn’t claim it. So I had to find I another.

I chose heretic. I include the definitions below.

Noun 1. heretic - a person who holds religious beliefs in conflict with the dogma of the Roman Catholic Church

misbeliever, religious outcast
castaway, outcast, pariah, Ishmael - a person who is rejected (from society or home)
  2. heretic - a person who holds unorthodox opinions in any field (not merely religion)

recusant, nonconformist - someone who refuses to conform to established standards of conduct

Although, I don’t hold to many of the Catholic traditions. I am a man of the Christian faith. I am thankful for the church’s catholic history.  But all this is for another post.

Definition 2 is the one I am claiming to use to identify with.  As a man of the Christian faith, I believe that I find myself out of the social/cultural norm. I believe that our society is starting to view us as outsiders for my faith. Not only does my faith make me a nonconformist, my geekiness and my weirdness allows me to be a heretic in a society sense.  I believe that is where one of my greatest strength lie.

 

And after all this rambling, now you know why I am HereticFred.

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