Don’t let those that “don’t get it” keep you from following your dream. Build your tribe with those who support you.
I was reflecting on a few things, AGAIN. And something caught my attention in a new light. I have no community or tribe that I call my own beyond my twitterpals and my wife. I mean I have friends. But the few that I would call close are just that few. I will be turning forty in a weeks time. And when asked if I wanted a party, I said nah. Who would I invite. I mean I have no social life outside of my family. There are people who would come if I asked, but most of them I haven’t spent any time with lately. Not to say that it wouldn’t be fun to hang out with them. But once the party was over, I wouldn’t see them again til the next social gathering.
Where is my community? I am not going to church too often anymore. And if I were to return to the church that I was a part of for over twenty two years. Very few would even notice I was gone or had returned. I find myself having deeper relationships with non-Christians through work right now than the church community I left. And some of the greatest kindness I have received of late has been from a friend who is an atheist and his agnostic wife. I say that not to demean their beliefs, but point out that something is lacking. And the Christians I do work with have been awesome. They have been used by God to keep me employed, now that I am no longer employed by the church. Although, I find it funny that I am now working for a Jewish theatre company.
But I still ponder, where is my community? My wife and girls are my community. They are all I got. And that’s all I need. But it would be nice to have some guys to hang out with…
Until my community expands to include more, I will sit back and reflect on how life gets in the way.
First, why doesn’t Google Chrome recognize “theatre” as an acceptable spelling. Okay, I need to say that I will not be posting a link to this rant on my Twitter or Facebook. Because I afraid the truth might offend some around me. I just need to get this out.
This week, I had the opportunity to see two shows. One done right. And another not so much. The first was JT’s Suessical: the musical. I got some comp tickets for me and my girls, because I worked the electrical load in. From start to finish, a very well done show. Great energy and characterization. The singing and choreography were top notch. I wasn’t even distracted by the tech. Which if you know me, that is a huge compliment.
The second was my girls’ high school attempt at “Godspell”. Now I want to go on record and say that I feel that the kids did the best they could with what they were given. It just fell short on what it could/ should have been. I felt bad for Katie, who was running lights, because the LD sucked. And Katie was prevented from making any changes, even though she was more qualified on the control system as well as more familiar with the space. The LD also never showed up to work with Katie until a couple days before opening. The audio was way rough. Between the mics not picking things up well and the tracks being too loud and overpowering the singers, it was painful. If it wasn’t for the songs and some of the transition lines, I would not have recognized the show as “Godspell” because of all the rewrites that were in act 1. (The copyright rant still might be coming) I just didn’t feel it. I wasn’t drawn in at all. My poor Gwen and many of the chorus characters were giving it their all but I had a hard time enjoying it. The main players had no depth. The Jesus character started hit his character towards the end of the show, but I didn’t care that they were crucifying him because the show was so meh up to that point. It just meant the show was almost over.
I really fell badly for these kids who give it 100%, and think they are really learning what good theatre is. But instead it is more warm fuzzies, ego stroking and bad habits.
I could rant and really deconstruct the show more, but I am tired and life gets in the way.
If you haven’t heard by now, I am now back out on the freelance stage tech market. It is kind of a challenge starting all over again at my age. But I found comfort is something that I used to get really grumpy about. I got to sweep and mop a stage. A task usually assigned to the low man on the pole or the guy with the least amount of skills. Well, I was low man on the pole, but definitely the most experienced tech. And rather than getting upset about it, I found myself smiling. When I started in the theatre almost a quarter of a century ago, I was taught that the first and last thing you did on arrival at the theatre was sweep the stage. It’s a safety thing as well as a way of showing respect for the space. The simple act of sweeping the stage helped me reset my perspective. Over the last few years, I had lost my sense of respect and joy of doing the simple act of working on the stage. I have found myself of late, rediscovering the joy of being a part of the theatre. It doesn’t hurt that the crews I have worked with I simply adore and they return that friendship. They respect me for my skills and allow me to do what I have grown to love over the years.
But I ramble on and life gets in the way.
I just spent a great evening with some of my dearest friends. Good food and conversation were a plenty. The occasion that brought us together, some would consider to be a sad one. But as I reflect on it, I would disagree. One of my friends is moving to another state. And as much as it bums me out that she won’t be around as much, I know that this is a good choice for her. I have been lucky to watch her grow and mature into a awesome woman that I am more than honored that she calls me friend.
But what really struck me as odd, is that as we hugged and said our goodbyes, I didn’t feel the sadness of loss or fear. Instead I had a sense of confidence that this is only another step on our journey together. I know that there might be gaps in our interactions and face time might be non-existent. But I also KNOW that when we have opportunity to connect again that our friendship will still be as solid as always.
And as we all know, life gets in the way. But it doesn’t have to be the end of the great things that make life worth living.
I had a dream this weekend. It kinda stuck with me. The details aren’t important at this time. But the thing that has really got me thinking is the persons involved. Most of them were persons that haven’t been actively in my life for a season or two. It troubled me because these people had been on my heart for a while. That made this dream all the more so uncomfortable. Now none of these persons have left my world because of disagreements or bad feelings. At least I don’t think so. But it made me realize AGAIN how much I miss them. I can rant on how much I miss them because none of them will read this.
I know that life gets in the way. But it really hurts my heart to think that all the time I invested in these people and they seem to have disappeared from my life. It makes me wonder how much value I must have in their world. I had thought that I would have placed higher in their worlds. I mean enough to warrant a call or text or an email now and then. Most of them still live in the same town as me but can’t be bothered to drop by or invite me out for coffee. It also hurts my heart to see them move on without me. Some of them making choices that I believe are damaging their faiths and that might have long term consequences.
I know that the last comment might seem judgemental. And its true that I have strong opinions on things. But that is how I see it. Although I would be willing to let most of that stuff go (for a while), if it meant that I could be a part of their worlds more often.
But Life Gets in the Way….
My laptop is still in the shop. I have loaner, but it lacks most of the stuff that makes my laptop mine. I especially miss my itunes. I subscribe to somewhere in the area of 100 podcasts and I am missing most of them. Thus making my work days longer and allows my brain to wander. And wander it does. I have some great heart to hearts with myself that threaten to spill out as to be regretted later emails or blog posts. I have found myself angry at the most random things. I miss friends that I haven’t talked to in a while and then I am miffed at them for not being around more. My work motivation is affected. In fact I am posting this rather than moping the stage.
It’s not my absence of my laptop that is to blame. It’s just once again I feel out of rhythm. And need a little focus.
All this to say I am cranky and having one of those days.
Well, I should get back to work, because life gets in the way.
Just listening to my new favorite artist of all time.
Got to Fly by Marian Call