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Building Community

Don’t let those that “don’t get it” keep you from following your dream.  Build your tribe with those who support you.

I was reflecting on a few things, AGAIN.  And something caught my attention in a new light.  I have no community or tribe that I call my own beyond my twitterpals and my wife.  I mean I have friends. But the few that I would call close are just that few. I will be turning forty in a weeks time. And when asked if I wanted a party, I said nah. Who would I invite. I mean I have no social life outside of my family. There are people who would come if I asked, but most of them I haven’t spent any time with lately. Not to say that it wouldn’t be fun to hang out with them. But once the party was over, I wouldn’t see them again til the next social gathering.

Where is my community? I am not going to church too often anymore. And if I were to return to the church that I was a part of for over twenty two years. Very few would even notice I was gone or had returned.  I find myself having deeper relationships with non-Christians through work right now than the church community I left. And some of the greatest kindness I have received of late has been from a friend who is an atheist and his agnostic wife. I say that not to demean their beliefs, but point out that something is lacking.  And the Christians I do work with have been awesome. They have been used by God to keep me employed, now that I am no longer employed by the church.  Although, I find it funny that I am now working for a Jewish theatre company.

But I still ponder, where is my community? My wife and girls are my community. They are all I got. And that’s all I need.   But it would be nice to have some guys to hang out with…

Until my community expands to include more, I will sit back and reflect on how life gets in the way.

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Another Theatre Rant

First, why doesn’t Google Chrome recognize “theatre” as an acceptable spelling.  Okay, I need to say that I will not be posting a link to this rant on my Twitter or Facebook. Because I afraid the truth might offend some around me. I just need to get this out.

This week, I had the opportunity to see two shows. One done right. And another not so much.   The first was JT’s Suessical: the musical. I got some comp tickets for me and my girls, because I worked the electrical load in.  From start to finish, a very well done show. Great energy and characterization. The singing and choreography were top notch.  I wasn’t even distracted by the tech. Which if you know me, that is a huge compliment.

The second was my girls’ high school attempt at “Godspell”.  Now I want to go on record and say that I feel that the kids did the best they could with what they were given. It just fell short on what it could/ should have been.  I felt bad for Katie, who was running lights, because the LD sucked. And Katie was prevented from making any changes, even though she was more qualified on the control system as well as more familiar with the space.  The LD also never showed up to work with Katie until a couple days before opening.  The audio was way rough. Between the mics not picking things up well and the tracks being too loud and overpowering the singers, it was painful.  If it wasn’t for the songs and some of the transition lines, I would not have recognized the show as “Godspell” because of all the rewrites that were in act 1. (The copyright rant still might be coming)  I just didn’t feel it. I wasn’t drawn in at all. My poor Gwen and many of the chorus characters were giving it their all but I had a hard time enjoying it.  The main players had no depth. The Jesus character started hit his character towards the end of the show, but I didn’t care that they were crucifying him because the show was so meh up to that point. It just meant the show was almost over.

I really fell badly for these kids who give it 100%, and think they are really learning what good theatre is. But instead it is more warm fuzzies, ego stroking and bad habits.

I could rant and really deconstruct the show more, but I am tired and life gets in the way.

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Sweeping the Stage

If you haven’t heard by now, I am now back out on the freelance stage tech market. It is kind of a challenge starting all over again at my age. But I found comfort is something that I used to get really grumpy about. I got to sweep and mop a stage. A task usually assigned to the low man on the pole or the guy with the least amount of skills. Well, I was low man on the pole, but definitely the most experienced tech. And rather than getting upset about it, I found myself smiling. When I started in the theatre almost a quarter of a century ago, I was taught that the first and last thing you did on arrival at the theatre was sweep the stage. It’s a safety thing as well as a way of showing respect for the space. The simple act of sweeping the stage helped me reset my perspective. Over the last few years, I had lost my sense of respect and joy of doing the simple act of working on the stage. I have found myself of late, rediscovering the joy of being a part of the theatre. It doesn’t hurt that the crews I have worked with I simply adore and they return that friendship. They respect me for my skills and allow me to do what I have grown to love over the years.
But I ramble on and life gets in the way.

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A Happy Goodbye?

I just spent a great evening with some of my dearest friends.  Good food and conversation were a plenty.  The occasion that brought us together, some would consider to be a sad one. But as I reflect on it, I would disagree. One of my friends is moving to another state. And as much as it bums me out that she won’t be around as much, I know that this is a good choice for her.  I have been lucky to watch her grow and mature into a awesome woman that I am more than honored that she calls me friend.

But what really struck me as odd, is that as we hugged and said our goodbyes, I didn’t feel the sadness of loss or fear. Instead I had a sense of confidence that this is only another step on our journey together.  I know that there might be gaps in our interactions and  face time might be non-existent.   But I also KNOW that when we have opportunity to connect again that our friendship will still be as solid as always.

And as we all know, life gets in the way. But it doesn’t have to be the end of the great things that make life worth living.

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I Dream of Missing People

I had a dream this weekend.  It kinda stuck with me. The details aren’t important at this time. But the thing that has really got me thinking is the persons involved.  Most of them were persons that  haven’t been actively in my life for a season or two.  It troubled me because these people had been on my heart for a while. That made this dream all the more so uncomfortable.  Now none of these persons have left my world because of disagreements or bad feelings. At least I don’t think so.  But it made me realize AGAIN how much I miss them. I can rant on how much I miss them because none of them will read this.

I know that life gets in the way. But it really hurts my heart to think that all the time I invested in these people and they seem to have disappeared from my life.  It makes me wonder how much value I must have in their world.  I had thought that I would have placed higher in their worlds. I mean enough to warrant a call or text or an email now and then. Most of them still live in the same town as me but can’t be bothered to drop by or invite me out for coffee.  It also hurts my heart to see them move on without me. Some of them making choices that I believe are damaging their faiths and that might have long term consequences. 

I know that the last comment might seem judgemental.  And its true that I have strong opinions on things. But that is how I see it.   Although I would be willing to let most of that stuff go (for a while), if it meant that I could be a part of their worlds more often.

But Life Gets in the Way….

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One of Those Days

My laptop is still in the shop. I have loaner, but it lacks most of the stuff that makes my laptop mine. I especially miss my itunes. I subscribe to somewhere in the area of 100 podcasts and I am missing most of them. Thus making my work days longer and allows my brain to wander. And wander it does. I have some great heart to hearts with myself that threaten to spill out as to be regretted later emails or blog posts. I have found myself angry at the most random things. I miss friends that I haven’t talked to in a while and then I am miffed at them for not being around more.  My work motivation is affected. In fact I am posting this rather than moping the stage.  

It’s not my absence of my laptop that is to blame. It’s just once again I feel out of rhythm.  And need a little focus.  

All this to say I am cranky and having one of those days.

 

Well, I should get back to work, because life gets in the way.

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My Life as a Buffy Musical

I am a big Whedon fan, primarily a Firefly/ Serenity fan, a Browncoat. But I have watched all of Buffy/ Angel and am totally into Dollhouse. And I find the musical episode of Buffy, Once More with Feeling, to be a favorite.  I am not a Buffy expert or uberfan, but I listen to the soundtrack on regular rotation. I was listening to it this morning and thought on how I relate to certain aspects of the characters and the songs. So I thought it would be insightful to share how I feel they relate to me.

I preface this by saying that God frequently shows me things through what I am interacting with at any given time. So several aspects of my response have a direct correlation to what I feel is the state of my faith. And that this concept will probably turn into a series of posts.

The show opens with the overture… ok I guess that is straight forward and needs no comment. But the first song is Buffy singing Going through the Motions. Buffy is lamenting about how she has no real joy or emotional connection to what she is doing or her life in general. Well this one is probably the song relate to the most at this time. She has been feeling empty because she had recently been dragged out of heaven.  And I have felt for a season or two that I have frequently been operating on autopilot. Not that I have been dragged from heaven nor do my blows have lost there touch. But my faith  and emotional state has. Let me state that my faith in God has not diminished but my active participation in my daily faith has.  I haven’t gone to church in a long time, but I haven’t missed a service in years. If that doesn’t make sense to you. Let me explain. As a staff member whose job is to support the services, I don’t go to church, I go to work. So the nourishing of my faith has taken a beating. So more often than not, I am just going through the motions.

Next song, is I Have Got A Theory.  The aspect of this song that I relate to is the concept of a group of people getting together to figure out a problem. And how off  their ideas were. Giles had the right idea  in the first stanza of the song, but had to sit through everyones opinion. Or Xander having to back down from his opinion to please those around him.  Now I don’t claim to be the master of anything, and the concept of me being the resident expert on any topic I find entertaining.  But I am smarter than average bear,(not bragging..stating a fact). And as I look around at my world I find that I am more often right than wrong and I see things in ways that most people don’t. And yet I still have to endure everyones opinions. Just find out that I am right, or that my input should be taken more seriously. 

And I always laugh at the Bunnies break and They got the mustard out.

This post is long enough. I will add next songs later. But it will have to wait, because life gets in the way.

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Theatre is sacred

(Col 3:23)  And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

(Col 3:23)  And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

It has been pointed out to me that I get a little to serious when it comes to productions. Phrases like grumpy and hypercritical are also thrown out at times. And really, I can’t disagree nor do I feel like I should change this about me.
And here are my reasons why:
Theatre is sacred to me. Not that I have a little shrine and light candles, but it is worthy of respect or dedication. (look it up. It is one of the definitions.)
The theatre has brought me some of the most important things in my life. Pretty much all non family relationships have come from my theatre experiences. Several that have lasted for more than 20 years. The theatre has saved my marriage in many ways. But that is a story for another time.  Some of the people who have helped my faith the most are from my theatre experiences.  My greatest joys and pains have come from my time in the theatre. I try to pay my bills from the skills that I have learned from my theatre experience.
Saying all this, I hold the theatre and it’s rules and traditions in high regard. So I take the abuse and disrespect of these things pretty seriously.  And in the last few weeks as I watched my wife and girls get placed into a show that was being handled poorly, I found myself to pretty grumpy often.  It hurt my heart to see these kids taught poorly or not at all on what true theatre could be. I feel strongly about bringing up the next generation of practitioners of the art/craft. Giving them all that the theatre has to offer involves pushing them and informing them of the rules and traditions. It is not always based on the fun but the joy of hard work and discipline. But I know with that comes a lot of fun moments. I would hope that anyone who has left any show that worked with me, left with skills and a healthy view of what theatre can be. 
I would also get angry when I thought of my wife’s and daughters’ names might be associated with such a poorly planned and rehearsed play. I accept that things happen as show run. Those are things that memories are made of. But I believe that should come from the surprises of the show, not from bad or poor preparation. My poor daughter who took on the role of LD and board op, was still getting cues minutes before opening. She did fine but could have done better with more time and better planning.
The theatre is part of who I am. And it is part of my family. And I would like to be able to share it with as many people possible. But with and its grandeur and history. Not just the bare minimal, hint of theater.
I would love to teach and work more theatre, but life gets in the way. 

 

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Am I truly a Geek

As most of you know, I am a podcast junkie. And a good portion of what listen to would be considered geeky. I listen to everybody rant about the latest video games, or movies, or comic book or whatever falls into the geeky lifestyle. Well, I have taken a step back and realized that all I do that qualifies as geeky is be a fan of geeky television and hangout online way too much.

The budget has killed my movie going. My Xbox died and can’t afford a new 360 or PS3. Haven’t collected comics since my daughters showed up. Reading scifi or fantasy novels put me to sleep because of my 55-65 hours a week work schedule.

Now it’s not that I don’t want to do these things. I have in the past and enjoyed every moment of it.  But life has gotten in the way.  So I ask am I truly still a geek?